The Mathematics of Fatherhood: Crime and Punishment | You ...

Finally!? A judge who thinks like I do.

In Richmond, California, Otis Mobley Jr., 23, has been released on bond awaiting trial for allegedly trying to sell an undercover ATF agent a GRENADE LAUNCHER in the PARKING LOT OF A CHEVY?S RESTAURANT.

Why did he pick this spot?? Was it the bottomless bowl of free chips he could enjoy before pulling the Taliban toy out of his trunk?

And how have Jon Stewart and Conan O?Brien not picked up on this?!

Anyway?

Junior?s grandmother secured a $150,000 bond to get her mischievous grandson released into her custody by putting up her home as collateral.? That way poor Otis, who, by the way, was arrested in 2009 for shooting and killing a guy named Earle Wallace, but was not prosecuted when investigators determined he had acted in self defense, doesn?t have to eat bologna and cheese every day and drink pruno and wear an unflattering orange jumpsuit.

(It?s none of my business, grandma, but maybe Otis needs to start running with a different crowd.)

In addition to typical pre-trial release conditions, such as electronic home detention, Judge Yvonne Gonzalez Rogers ordered that Mobley ?must read for at least one hour every day, and must write reports on those books for at least 30 minutes every day.?

Judge Rogers, I salute you!? I stand and applaud!

Book reports as punishment for felonies?!? I LOVE THIS.

I feel so validated.? When my kids play video games or watch television for too long, I, after quietly seething for an hour so, abruptly turn off the machines and tell them to ?Go do something!? Go read!? Go draw! ?Go outside! You?ve got a room full of games, go play with them!? Pick up a book, for chrissake!? before storming out of the room.

And I always feel guilty about it.

Why?? Because I know I am ruining any possible pleasure they could ever take from reading by turning it into punishment.? Yet I can?t stop myself.

I can just hear them commiserating when they?re in their twenties and still haven?t made it through 20 pages of, say, Dostoyevsky?s ?Crime and Punishment.?

?God, ?member when dad would sit there all quiet and nice and suddenly freak out and yell at us to read??

?Yeah, what the hell was up with that??

?Why didn?t he just set a limit to TV and video game time ? say an hour a day on school days, four hours on weekends ? and firmly and consistently, and with a cool, rational demeanor, follow through??

?Yeah, if he had just set clear boundaries, instead of unpredictably blowing up just because he had some bug up his ass, maybe we would?ve picked up a book without being told to.?

?Boy, Rafael, let?s make sure we?re consistent, perfect parents.?

?You got it, Gabriel.? Up for an hour of Jetpack Joyride??

?It?d be my pleasure.?

Well, screw it.? If reading-as-punishment gets them to slog through a book or two, so be it.? Hey, I?m not being unreasonable.? They won?t have to wear electronic ankle bracelets and water boarding will never come up while they enjoy Volume 2 of Robert Caro?s biography of Lyndon Johnson.

And it doesn?t have to be some thick, ponderous tome, either.? If they could just give me a decent summary of the first chapter of Harry Potter or Twilight or A Serious of Unfortunate Events or whatever is topping this year?s YA summer reading list ? hell, if they would just summarize the Sports Section of the newspaper for me!

I would set them free today.

packers stock packers stock mastectomy st. nicholas st. nicholas heisman finalists heisman finalists